i am nothing

Well soon anyways. Did a couple art shows one erotic and one sex and the city related, so I will have pictures from that to post. But for the time being here is a pizza:

Pizza night at Drumrave's on muchosucko.com

And here is some stuff that I did.

This is a self portrait I took with my remote. I spent hours shaping/ruining the forks so they would fit close to a head taped them on with duct tape and snaped a couple pictures. Anyways, it is for a project that hopefully won't include me.... you will be thankful for that.

I know that it's almost school time for the young'ns and this Old Navy's try to be 'hip' but this commercial is retarded. It annoys me to no end. Watch it on youtube if you want here, but your brain will regret it. What gets me, if you can believe the comments, is that there are people who actually like it.

Even sadder, is the fact I know the name of the group that sings this: fannypack :/ But it is funny that they have a song called cameltoe not only is the word funny, but they are funny looking. Not as funny as mooseknuckles however.

I totally regret drinking this vodka slush thingie... it has gone straight to my head but someone ate all the Crush Freeze Pops.

Back in May John asked me to do some pictures that he could use for promos for Mephisto's. Here are a few of the results.




more here

I installed a new version of AIM the other day and now when certain people come online or go offline it makes noises. But the noises seem to be random and ridicilous. For example one particular person is meows and for another is makes a RAWR noise and this is annoying. But it is too freakishly hot for me to really get all worked up about it.

This is a photo I took not too long ago. I think it is neat.


Model: Errika
Photo by: Me
You can see more if you want.


I've changed my website yet again, so there are broken images everywhere. This time the change isn't as drastic on the surface, but inreality it is a quite a large change. It isn't done, but I'm sick of working on it for the moment, so this is as done as it gets for the moment. It uses more AJAX and all that fun stuff, again built using ruby on rails.

Waking up to air horns, car horns, and idiots screaming is the next to perfect way to wake up. I mean you have it all: the sudden jolt, the sense of "WTF", and the sad realization that Italy won the world cup. It wouldn't be so bad, but Windsor is filled to the brim with italians, well... calling them italians would be like calling italians from italy 'almost americans', or 'the ones that didn't make it'. The italians here are really fake italians, the wannabes. So after waking up and seeing the bitching tail gate party in my parking lot, I foolishly thought, if I go the store by the time i get back they will have all gone to little italy and finished drinking themselves into a stooper. I was wrong, of course. Now they have a parade of people and cars (always a good mix) complete with drums, whistles, flags, and what appears to be a giant golden testicle in a hand crafted out of paper macha. You'd think that these people actually played the game themselves they are partying so hard -- I'll never understand fans like that. I mean I understand liking sports, enjoying a good stiff drink or beer during, maybe even at a pub, but to cause a huge public disturbance. Not my thing.

On the walk home from the store I noticed something. The horn honkers wouldn't really honk their horn at me but they would at anyone who had even a slightly olive complextion (arab, indian, or otherwise) or any girl over the age of 13. It's probably cause I'm of irish descent and therefore really white. I suspect this will be going on for awhile, at least until the bars downtown open up for slutty bootay dancing to all your italian football favourites like dr. dre, 50c, and kylie monqiue...

On side note, I've notice an excessive number of ambulances going to the hospital, and I've counted literally about 10 in the last hour. In my mind, this is no doubt being caused by people falling out of the back of their pick-ups and impaling themselves on their 6' flag poles. Jackasses.

As Robert said in a LJ comment to me that he promptly deleted: "Also, your model is fat and ugly. Kind of like you."



I guess I should do as he suggested in a personal email to me: "Good luck in the real world, it's hard out here, so you might as well kill yourself now. Your gut will thank you." Thanks Robert, best advice ever... fucking dick.

Would someone with a well balanced monitor review these for me? There was a disaster at the place, and now my main computer is down for the moment. In the mean time, I'm using Kristin's who's gamma is all screwy. So, if you haven't messed with your computer's gamma and have a newer computer, or are generally confident that your computer monitor is accurate would you please tell me if these images are light or dark? I think they are fine, but I could be wrong.




BTW, these are of Farril aka lilitheraine, she came over today to take some photos to update her portfolios with.

Back story:
When I was 6 or so, my brother was turned in by my sister for growing pot. The police arrested him in front of me. Where was I? My friend who had gone on vacation said I could play with his toy cars so I had gone to his place to take them from his place to mine. This was specifically against his mothers rules. So as I'm playing and walking towards my house I see a cop car parked in front of my house I assumed that the police were there for me... for theft (under $1.00). I hid in a bush , plotting my escape from the law -- I was a kid on the lamb. The cops drove by, waved at me, meanwhile my brother was in the backseat. I didn't see him for 5 years.

This was my first interaction with police officers. All the rest have been just as stupid/tramatic. I have a natural fear of police officers, and I believe inreality most people do, they just don't express it the way I do.


Today, 25 years later:

I woke up to sound of knocking. It was the building manager asking if I was expecting a package to my new place. I have been in the process of moving from a lower basement apartment to a upper level apartment. So there is no reason for me to recieve a package, but I figured hey if the guy delivering the package is still upstairs I should at least look at it, and maybe tell the guy it isn't for me.

So I dress: pants, shirt, shoes, no socks, freshen the breath (kinda) with some mouthwash, push down my crazy bed hair somewhat and run up 3 flights of stairs. I quickly notice that there is alot of foot traffic upstairs, an indian lady, some pudgey guy, and another guy walking down the halway. I took a mental note of that, cause it seemed odd, but I'm not privvy to the foot traffic of that floor.

I quickly look at the package, and say that I was in the process of moving there, but these weren't my packages. Packages addressed for Susan H; they were sad lumps of cardboard. If there had been any kind of package in there it had been crushed. I thought it was funny that these boxes looked so damaged and that they weren't mine.

The guy asks me if I lived there, again, I repeated I'm in the process of moving there, but these aren't my pacakges. So he asks if I knew anyone named Susan, at this point I thought the guy was being a dick and was going to point it out to him, but I have shit to do. So I start going downstairs.

That's when the Windsor crack squad of genius police springs into action. I hear yells of stop, police, etc etc. Remember, I kinda dislike police officers (irrationally, yes, but I do) and I'm out of breath and they just jumped out of no where screaming. They ask me several questions, like where is the building manager, what is their name, etc. One police officer, from that I can tell the only nice one of the bunch, runs off to find Suhk the building manager. Then inveitable comes, 'why are you so nervous?'.

"Because I just woke up and now I'm out of breath"

"But why are so nervous" the grey hair pudgey man says, with his badge dangling from his neck like it's cool.

"Look, when I was 6 years old police officers arreseted my brother in front of me..."

You'd think that this would require little to no explaination, but apparently it did. "So? What does that have to do with us?" Says the indian woman, who has yet to identify herself as an officer.

"Because I don't like cops, they make me nervous"

She a quick one and retorts with, "That's a bit of a generalization. That was those police officers, we're different."

Yeah right. At this point I'm starting to get my wind back, I'm starting to get my composure back, and catching wind of the gravity of the situation. I decide to turn up the wit; the charm; the heat. These fucks are looking for an arrest.

"Heh, yes, it is a generalization", I say. "But you know what, that's the way the world works. Arabs hate Americans, and generally americans hate arabs, and that's a generalization, but it's true".

"So?"

"So? So that's the way everything works; that's how YOU work. You accept it or you don't, but that's the way it is: I hate police officers."

The pudgey police officer asks my name, "Patrick Edwards". "Can you prove it, do you have some form of ID?"

"Uhh, yeah, it's in my wallet" I pull that out, hand it to jerry's kid on patrol. Small little chit chat, where he claims pot isn't a big deal, that I'm making too much of this -- my brother went away for 5 years, his life in essence was ruined for a first time offence. He decides to call me in to the head office using his cellphone "White male. Edwards, Patrick John. 75. 07. 19." all the while looking at me, sizing me up.

After making some claims that my brother still does pot, after making his mental judgment of me I reallt turn the charm on: "Do you have to be such a smartass?" I say. What I meant, or should have said was "Have you always been such a smartass, cause when I get fat and old I want to be just like you"

"Why don't you shut up, you are the smart ass, you've been nothing by sarcastic this entire time."

"Why don't you shut up, and so what if I've been sarcastic, that's the way I am"

"No you shut up" he replies with.

"Actually, I don't have to because I haven't done anything wrong"

I can tell I'm charming them alot because he decides I won the 'no you shut up' battle. This is a battle of wits; a battle for survival.

Naturally, my record comes back clean. No surprise to me, but certainly a suprise to them. So now they start questioning me again.

"So you don't know any susans"

"No, why would I?" Truthfully, I do, and I should have mentioned the only Susan I knew was a transexual in Saskatchewan.

"Do you know any somolians?"

WTF! "Heh no. Well, there were some black girls living here before me, but they moved"

The woman sarcastically says: "So you don't know the difference between a somalian and a black person?"

"Uhh, no, and I bet you don't either. I mean I can't tell the difference between Koreans and Chinese people, but I be you can't either"

"No I can't"

"That's sad" I say. You'd think a police office who routinuely works with people would be a little more multicultural. I should have asked her if she knew the difference between Cree and Denee, I bet she still wouldn't, but I do.

Pudgey man: "So how long have you lived up stairs"

"I haven't, I'm moving up there over the last couple days"

The nice guy returns and says "He has been living here a month"

"I thought you said you were just moving in"

"Yeah, I've only had the key for 2 days. Lets find Suhk, he'll confirm that."

"I thought you said you didn't know any susans" the policewoman says.

"Hearing problem? I said Suhk, not Susan"

"So what's up stairs?"

"Uhhh, boxes perhaps, cause I'm moving"... "You know dvds, books... stuff you put in boxes"

Suhk comes upstairs and they ask how long I've had the key for, and like I said, 2 days. They start to walk away, without even says thanks, or appolgizing, so I loudy say as they walk away "That's some good police work"

The hard of hearing policewoman says "What did you just say?".

"You fucking heard me".

Suhk's eye were about as big as saucers, and I had a cocky smile on my face.

The END.

Kristin says that some day I'm gonna be slapped for being a smart ass. But here are the facts, I'm always right and they are always wrong. I am good and they are bad. Police are supposed to have the thes great intuition skills, instead they were determined to find a connection between me and the new apartment. I had answered all their questions truthfully right from the start and their the ones who uppped the ante with their attitude of guilt. They were looking for their donut, the rest of the day of paperwork, and the sycophantical congratulations on a good arrest. Instead, they go back empty handed. Minus one Susan.


When I'm right, and I know I can get away with it I like to push buttons, especially cops.

This is actual police footage showing how they decided to attack and subdue an otherwise peaceful crowd of demonstrators by using pepper spray, night sticks, and pepper balls. That's right pepper balls, it's like a paint ball except it is seasoned to perfection. There were reports of three year old children being pepper sprayed. Commentary by a depressed hippie.

The Internet is for Porn (SFW)

If you like World of Warcraft you may have already seen this, or maybe you have been too busy playing WOW instead of using the internet for it's true purpose...

That crazy hat for chicken....

cross processed:




Don't have much to say lately, but Kristin and I are working on several projects... all of which seem to be *growing* quite nicely.

I had a weird dream last night. It was about having a man-period, which in my dream was like a sympathy period but much shorter and I bled from under my tongue. I recieved my first period in the mall and I dribbled blood on to my shirt. People in the food court laughed until a older man told me to goto the doctor. The doctor gave me a popcicle stick with some cotton balls glued on the end, it was then shoved under my tongue forcefully where it would remain for several hours. It was an odd sensation of dryness from the cotton balls and drooling from the popcicle stick protruding from my mouth. I don't care to repeat the dream or experience again.

Anyways, that's what I woke up to... choking on cotton.


I've gone through and deleted like 2000 users, spammers, people who have never verified their account, people who have not logged or posted in for a year, and people who have not logged in for 2 years. I was going to delete anyone who hasn't logged in a year, but then I'd be deleting friends, admins, moderators, and prolific posters. Maybe I shouldn't care. They can enjoy the mysterious fire hydrant... it's gotta mean something. What is the meaning of the fire hydrant!?

Or it could just be a picture of tiger stadium at night...

So I'm near completing not one, but two websites that will hopefully do very well. So this week I'll probably post links to them, but there won't be a big party for them, because website launchs are kinda passe and they rarely go as planned. Meanwhile, my friend Clinton moved to Ireland this past month, so I inherited a whole bunch of stuff; glasses, xbox+games, gamecube+games, a bookcase, another computer, surround sound system, and 2 bearded dragons. The dragons I don't know what to think of. One is named Taco, and he is kind of a jackass who is scared of his own reflection, and Walla is a hyperactive little guy. Joe Jackson likes them though, he licked Walla, and nuzzled his head on him but I'm pretty sure Walla didn't like it.

Anyways, tonight I had a photoshoot with a girl from Missouri. I tried to break current habits of perpendicular lines that I have grown accustomed to. She was in the city doing photos for SuperBitch Magazine, Maybe you will like them:


( 2+ nws (too tired for secret link to my website, so yes this is an actual LJ CUT :P )
Model: NOS

Over the past weekend I had photosession with Mistress Persephone. The shoot was very quick, but worth the effort, I hope you will enjoy:


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Model: Mistress Persephone
Photographer: plasticpuppet.com

http://www.michelrijnders.nl/weblog/pivot/entry.php?id=135

* Google's buildings are numbered 0, 1, e, pi, and phi; all of which have mathematical significance.
* Google's first IPO raised $2,718,281,828, which is the product of "e" and $1 billion, where "e" is the base of the natural logarithm.
* For their second public offering Google will sell 14,159,265 shares, which is the first 8 digits after the decimal point in pi (3.14159265)

Now I can imagine that Google is off kidnapping mathematicians around the world who break their code to work on their secret page rank system. Perhaps someone will write a book about breaking the google code and being chased by google operatives. A secret society of hooded math geeks with pocket protectors full of red pens whose only weakness is they have to stop to correct bad math. In the end however, the math geek will always get his mark because he has the calculus, it's in his blood and it burns.

Sometimes dreams for me are like channel surfing, here is why:

1. I had a dream that Lithium Picnic had his own TV digitalcable/digital satellite station, KHLP, it was a documentary about him, over and over;

2. I thought Kelly Lind had one as well, but it turned out to be just a made for tv movie that starred a scoundrel that just looked like him. It was about a criminal that befriends a retarded child living at a mental institute, which also happens to be a oil tanker, and he impresses the child by fishing with dynamite; and

3. When fighting abuptly starts again Captain's Pierce, Honeycut, Major Hullahhan, Klinger return to the MASH 4077. They spend the day at the beach for some well deserved R and R when the advancing North Koreans cancels hyjynx and mischieve at the beach. They get cut off by the North Koreans and are dogged by a Tank while they are only armed with a gernade launcher and they barely escape with their lives. Pierce drove, and none of them had any helmets.

I'm surprised I didn't dream about the Golden Girls... heh.

Sam (megalomaniac83)

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